So you want to know more about Ardeer Nudist Beach?
When you conjure up a mental image of nudist beaches, you perhaps picture beautiful coves of bright white sand, punctuated with beautifully large conch shells, and bordered by beautiful crystal blue waters, gently lapping at the beautiful toes of beautiful naked people, drinking beautiful cocktails with their beautiful lips. I certainly do. What doesn’t immediately jump to mind, is the painfully windy and goose-bump-inducingly bitter south-west coast of Ayreshire.
But as some old bloke once said knowingly“horses for courses”.
And it definitely takes a certain kind of ‘horse’ to get their bits, baps and flaps out in this utterly inhospitable climate, but assuming that you fall into that category, then Ardeer Nudist Beach is actually a very beautiful place.
The council put up official nudist beach signs in 2015, but a local conservative, textile-wearing vandal removed them in a fit of rage. Regardless, the beach remains an official nudist site and is about two miles long; so there is plenty of scope for naked bathing, nude cartwheels, a spot of buff-badminton or anything else you fancy doing. Hoorah!
It is used by large numbers of nudies in the good summer weather, which, in South West Scotland, is about six hours a year! Hikers, textile-wearing folks, and the local dog walking fraternity don’t pay it much attention either so there is no need to hide your nether-bits.
Directions to Ardeer Nudist Beach
On the map, look for the heart-shaped bum !!
Stevenston is on the A78 trunk road to the north-west of Irvine, so you need to leave the dual carriagway at the Stevenston exit, taking the A738 and then joining the B752 for Ardeer at the second roundabout.
After passing over the railway bridge, at the next roundabout take the exit for Ardeer village. You’ve gotta keep your clothes ON at this stage, right?!
Once in the village, turn right and proceed to the church (definitely still with clothes on!) before turning left and then right – signposted Beach Point – at the end of which is the Beach Park car park.
From the car park, drive or walk south past the public lavatories and toward the headland, beyond which is the naturist beach. Then remove all clothing as fast as possible and get your shuttlecocks out!
Naturists frequent the part of the beach beyond the first rock groyne, but almost anywhere on this section of the beach (beyond the Burns memorial mural on the seawall) is said to be OK. In total, it’s a 15-20 minute walk from the car park.
Access is not possible (on foot or otherwise) from the Irvine direction.
There are no facilities here, sadly, but then I guess that’s the price to pay for perfect isolation and stunning scenery; such as that which you will find here, in Ardeer.
So it’s probs best to bring everything you need from home, but as you won’t need to bring swimmers or additional clothing, you’ll have more room in your bags for some over-priced olives and some smelly French cheese. #nakedwin !